Friday, June 10, 2011

Sleeping Together

I’m so tired. I spent from 4:00 AM on being smacked awake by Hal’s 50 lb. arm. His theory is that he fell asleep too close to the middle of the bed, instead of hanging onto the edge like he’s supposed to do, and so I felt the windmill that he is at night. My theory is that since he can no longer keep me awake with his moans, hums and snores (thank you, earplugs) he had to find a different way to torment me. I give it 2 more nights and then I’m moving to the guest room. It’s a more comfortable bed, anyway. Of course, then he’ll take up sleepwalking or some other get-Mama-out-of-bed ritual.

Sleep is not what it used to be. When I was in my 20’s, many long years ago, I could fall asleep at 3:00 AM, sleep until noon, eat breakfast, take a nap until 3:00 PM, and repeat. If a noise woke me up at night, which I don’t recall ever happening, I could immediately fall asleep again.

But now. Ah, now. I lay awake for hours. I doze and wake again. If I open my eyes after 3:30 AM, I might as well just get out of bed because I’m not going to be able to sleep again until I get behind the wheel. Or until we go to a park. Somehow, those 2 places seem the best spots in the world to nap, which I never do, that whole survival thing, you know.

I’ve tried lots of different things. I work out like a dog, so it’s not that I just don’t need the sleep. I’ve tried a calm-down routine, usually involving muttering incoherently to myself. I’ve tried Tylenol PM and Unisom and Advil PM. I won’t try Ambien because of some of the very scary side effects. My current cocktail of choice? Nyquil, cherry flavor. I don’t drink alcohol, but a little medicine mixed with that lovely burn, well, that’s been helping.

Until Hal decides to practice his javelin throw in the middle of the night.

If you find him standing on your doorstep with a suitcase, please let him in. He’s a very nice houseguest. But he’ll need his own bed. Sleeping with the man can be a life-threatening situation.