Sunday, April 10, 2011

Steve Jobs Reincarnate

“My teacher has the coolest thing. It’s an actual tray that you put in the freezer and it makes ice! We should get some of those.” 8 year old is amazed by the technology. Imagine, not having to rely on the ice maker, but actually being able to put the water in a tray and put the tray in the freezer and then having ice cubes.

Maybe I’ll buy some of that new technology for one of the 3 weddings coming up. Making ice together can be a unifying activity. It can remind couples of the need for patience, for perseverance, for remembering to fill the freakin’ tray if you take the last cube. Of course, it could also be a recipe for disaster, along the lines of “where do you squeeze the toothpaste tube” and “toilet seat up or down?”

When Hal and I were first married, he never put the seat down. I gently let him know that he was a fool, but he didn’t listen. Until he dropped his hairbrush in the toilet. And I laughed, heartily, as he reached in to retrieve it. For the next 15 years, he lowered the seat. We solved the toothpaste issue by buying separate tubes. When he almost smacked his elbow into my nose while doing one of his “launch and twist” sleeping moves, we got a king size mattress so he had elbow space and I had nose space. I thought God had smiled on us. On me, particularly.

Until 5 months ago.

5 months ago, Hal stopped lowering the toilet seat.

What, I need poop bacteria all over my face rag? I want a disease from brushing my teeth? Sheesh.

But, we’ve solved that problem, too.

I have my own bathroom, now.

It seems that the best way to function in our marriage is to have totally separate, non-confrontational lives. That way, we only connect on things that are pleasant, like haranguing the children and ridiculing the neighbors. The best way to get along is to avoid all unpleasant situations.

This is the life lesson I’ve taken away from my 16 years of marriage.

It’s just a good thing we’ve never disagreed on where to live.

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