Friday, April 29, 2011

Mad Hatter

Poor, poor Eugenie and Beatrice. The ugly cousins to balding-yet-handsome Prince William and scruffy-yet-charming (except for the whole nazi thing) Harry. It must be hard to be chunky, or over-eyelinered, or to have a bow poop on your head, when you’re in the company of a couple who was, I must say, dazzling.

When I get married to a prince, I want to be coiffed and tailored and perfectly put together, too.

But I’m much more likely to be the ugly cousin, adjusting the waistband of my dress because it’s too tight. And ducking the wrong way out of the car because I forgot that my hat is 3 feet high. I’m glad birds didn’t nest in it. It had plenty of branches. Of course, royal birds wouldn’t make that mistake. Only American ones would think she’d worn the hat out of some Earth-day homage.

I’ve got to say, Eugenie’s dress/coat thingy was cute. It would look very good on me. Beatrice’s dress would look good on a 50-year-old time-traveling from the ’80’s. 3 bows on the top? Why? To accentuate the tapestry she’d stolen from Buckingham?

Here’s the only thing that bugged me about the royal couple. While they were sitting in their chairs enjoying the music and speeches, or thinking about FINALLY having sex after having dated for so long, I wanted him to take her hand. Oh, I know, they’re Brits and they’re only allowed to touch at proscribed times. But, I really, really wanted them to hold hands during the entertainment.

When my son becomes a prince and gets married, I’ll tell him to hold her hand.

And when he does, I hope I look as good as Carol Middleton. Classy, classy woman. The fact that she didn’t wet herself while standing next to Queen Elizabeth and Hot-Pants Camilla, well, that shows how much chutzpah she’s got.

My favorite moment of the day: youngest daughter sees Prince William from behind. “He’s bald already?!? That’s gross!” The one thing she grabs onto, out of all the hats, dresses, pomp and horses, is the bald spot on the groom’s head.

It’s just proof I’m raising my kids with an idea of what’s truly most important in life. Looks.

1 comment:

Irish Cream said...

I loved the grumpy look of the little flower girl with her hands over her ears at the Balcony Scene.

I thought about them all day, as I usually do for any couple getting married. Such an exciting time for this new start. I just kept praying that they would be as happy in private as they appeared in public.

Make sure you do educate little Prince to hold and take his new bride's hand in public as much as possible... it's good for the soul and brings a smile to EVERYBODY (propriety be hanged!)