Friday, March 4, 2011

Confessions of a Stalker

I hate Costco. I bought a bag (75,000 lbs) of Hershey’s miniatures, thinking I would use them for something.

I am.

That something is called: shove them in my face as fast as I can before Hal figures out where I’ve hidden them.

Self control is so over rated.

So is sharing.

Actually, I’ve been very good at sharing. I’ve given Hal all the “Special Dark with Almonds” and all of the “Extra Creamy Milk Chocolate”. Those are nasty. Hal doesn’t realize they’re nasty. He thinks I’m being generous. Silly, silly Hal. Generous? With chocolate? Not unless you’re female. Women appreciate chocolate. Men think of it as just another food item. It is not “just” anything. It is the pinnacle of civilization, the sign that we, as a group, have risen to the Everest of food.

I really need medication.

I friended an old friend on Facebook, one I haven’t heard from in 20 years. This is the first search I’ve done, except for the initial friending of my siblings, who don’t count, since I did the whole “expose yourself on Facebook” thing just for them. Actually, just so I could see pictures of them and their children. Okay, mostly their children. So, I did this search and found one of my dearest High School friends, who happens to be a man. This poses moral questions for me. I have no feelings for the gentleman. I truly just wanted to find out if he’s well, happy, yaddah yaddah yaddah.

So, we chatted a bit, and come to find out, he’s well, happy, yaddah yaddah yaddah.

Now what?

What do you do once you’ve binged on a 20 lb. bag of Hershey’s chocolates?

There’s that whole after-feeling, that thrill and letdown all at the same time.

If I had bulimia, I’d go purge. But I don’t like Facebook purges, and certainly I don’t want to unfriend a friend I asked to friend in the first place.

The right answer, of course, is moderation in all things. A few chocolates a day (under 20) will bring joy and not sorrow. But I’ve proven that I am not good at moderation.

I don’t think I can be trusted with Facebook. Already, I’m thinking of tracking down a friend I had when I was 8. Her name is Cameo. I don’t know her last name, but really, how many Cameo’s can there be in the world?

1 comment:

buttercup said...

Aaron likes to savor his chocolate. Just eat it now already! When our friends from France brought us the Really Good chocolate, I said Fine. I am going to eat one piece of chocolate a day so that gives you the chance to have some too, but if you don't get any it's your own fault! If I didn't have to share with him they would've been gone that afternoon.

As for the fb thing, you can hide all your info from said friend without unfriending him. I can teach you how--If you want.