Sunday, November 21, 2010

Do They Drink KoolAid in Britain?

KoolAid is my Kryptonite. If you walk around my house, you’ll notice little pink polkadots on almost every carpet. How did they get there when the clear household rule is: KoolAid in the kitchen or outside. Is KoolAid allowed in front of the TV? Nope. And yet, somehow, those insidious pink dots made their way there this week. Now, I haven’t posted pictures of my TV room. But I bet you’ve already figured out that Never Seen in the Natural World Pink doesn’t work with my color scheme. In fact, when you walk into the tranquil (if the kids are gone) room, your senses will be jarred by the sudden flash of Barbie Pink and you’ll think to yourself, “Gee, I would have stuck with the greens and browns if I were decorating this room.”

And it makes me weak. Not weak in the “love that man” sense or in the “gotta good deal at the mall” sense, but weak in the “why can’t I have just one room without kid markings?” sense.

Now, I know there are bigger trials in life. I’ve thought of some: being married to a balding Prince and living in a cold, dark castle. Having Charles as a father-in-law. Never, ever being able to live up to the memory of your mother-in-law. All of those things would be worse. But when I look at those pink dots cluttering the otherwise pure landscape of my TV room carpet, I think I’d almost rather go through the prenuptial rigamarole Kate is facing, including the pressure to conceive a healthy male on her wedding night.

On that note, you remember that when Diana and Charles got engaged, the Royal Doctors did a, uh-hum, purity test, right? So, Kate and William have been dating for a long, long time. Longer than many marriages. I’m just sayin’, this might be the time to get rid of that tradition. Because, honey, if they do a test and it comes back ‘thumbs up’, I’ll laugh myself silly.

I know why there hasn’t been a joyful royal marriage since Victoria and Albert. KoolAid. It’s littered the plush carpets of castles world-wide and driven otherwise sane women to the brink. Bad, bad KoolAid.