Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Minty Fresh

Yesterday morning, I stumble into the bathroom to brush my teeth. I pull out the toothbrush. I put on a sizable dollop of toothpaste. I begin to brush. And I think, “Hmm. This isn’t lathering well.” I brush a bit more. “Hmm. I don’t feel that minty tingle.”

I look at myself in the mirror. There is white stuff all over my teeth, but it isn’t the foamy goodness that says “Goodbye Dragon Breath.” I look at the tube on the bathroom counter.

Balmex.

That’s right. I have successfully eradicated diaper rash from my mouth.

And just in case this happens to you, I’ll tell you now how to get the stuff off your teeth. It takes a new toothbrush, and copious amounts of Sensodyne With Whitening Power. You’ll have to scrub, then rinse with Crest Pro-Health, then throw that new toothbrush away. That’s two toothbrushes down, in case you’re not keeping track. One because you put bum ointment on it, and the second because you scrubbed bum ointment off of your teeth with it. Or, if your husband went in early to work, you could just use his toothbrush as the second toothbrush. He’ll never know.

5 comments:

J T Hephzibah said...

You are a delightful writer! As a single mother of 4 (and a very new grandmother) I very much appreciate your blog!
Be blessed!

Big Bahama Mama said...

Hephzibah is my favorite name. Whenever I play games with my daughters and I have to make up a name for myself, it's Hephzibah. Thank you for your kind comment.

buttercup said...

You are funny Mama! Did it taste good? I tried to call you today. You were probably busy scrubbing Balmex off your teeth.

Queen of the Castle said...

Perhaps the Balmex would protect your teeth, maybe you should have left it on.

Afton said...

You crack me up! I've missed reading your blog and sure enough, you don't disappoint. How in the world did those tubes get switched? Was it just too early to notice? That is hilarious and gross, but I'm glad for the story:). I'll take note of the instructions should I ever be so unlucky.