Friday, December 3, 2010

Bone Yard

Eeeew. I just found a bone in the Healthy Choice, frozen and never-natural meatloaf I was stuffing in my face as fast as I could. (It’s better if you don’t actually taste it.) I do not like being reminded that what I’m eating once chewed its cud. I do not like remembering that it once had organs and ligaments and pooped. I prefer to think that meat, like Republican talking points, comes pre-packaged and cleaned-up-for-the-consumer. If I wanted beef with bones, I would go chew on a cow, thank you.

I’ll tell you the best pre-packaged single-serving food item I’ve tried. Kashi Mayan Harvest. This yummy goodness has a bit of spice, a bit of grain, sweet potatoes and plantains. That’s right, bananas. How can you go wrong with caramelized bananas? If I lived in Miami, I’d be fat and constipated from all the fried plantains I’d eat. But one serving of Kashi’s version won’t do that to you. If you ate several in a row, as I am often tempted to do, that might be a different story. Unless, of course, you follow it up with a few dozen mango lassis. Ooooh, mango lassi. I would marry a mango lassi if it weren’t for that whole Proposition 99 thing, which excludes marriage of women and drinks.

Speaking of propositions, do you find it weird that San Francisco is trying to ban the Happy Meal but is also in the process of legalizing marijuana?

In honor of California’s soon-to-be laws, I’ve come up with a great marketing idea. Marijuana with the Happy Meal. They could call it The Mother’s Happy Meal. Instead of Disney toys, it could come with a pipe, or papers, or, better yet, the pot could be baked into the new McDonald’s dessert: Brownies.

Or, how about this: frozen Happy Meals? That way, I could stock my freezer and not have to go the trouble of moving my butt out to the car to go through the drive-thru. You don’t want people driving in California, anyway. Who knows how many of them will be medicinally doped?


Jody England Hansen said...

This post is better than The Mother's Happy Meal because it gives me a natural happy high.

halsadick said...

Laughing very much.

Irish Cream said...

Can't. Stop. Laughing!