Sunday, February 21, 2010

Good Night John Boy

Remember how, on the Waltons, John-boy would use his moral superiority to control the behavior of everyone else? For instance, he’d say, “Sue Ellen, that dress makes you look like a New York Ho.” And there would be tears and she would apologize and then at the end of the day he’d write in his journal to document the fact that, once again, he’d saved someone from certain hell-fire. Well, lucky me, I’ve got my own John-boy.

Normally, I have very little contact with him. We work in completely separate areas at church and the little bit of talking we have to do usually lasts just long enough that I’m able to control myself. I can usually hold out until I walk away and then I’m free to roll my eyes, stick out my tongue, curse, etc. But last night, I had to have an interaction wherein I received personal counsel over the phone from my John-boy. His criticism happily dealt with my personality. And, being the humble, malleable person that I am, I immediately became enraged. I repeated to myself, “Deep breath, don’t engage, just thank him for doing the task and hang up the phone so you can unload to Hal.”

Here’s what Hal got last night: “Stupid ‘I’m so smart and I’ll take this moment to teach you’ man!”

Here’s what Hal got this morning: “Alright, I’ve worked it out. I know what I’m going to say to John-boy. I’m ready for a fight.”

Hal responds, “What you need to do is put your arm around him and say, ‘You’re a good man.’”

“Can I punch him first?”

“Ha ha ha.” (Clearly, Hal has no idea when I’m serious.)

“Just a little ‘don’t lecture me on my methods you dope?’”

“No.”

Pause. “Hm. Can I tack “anyway” on the end of the sentence?”

Hal didn’t think so.

So, in my own moment of moral superiority, I’m not going to say anything to him (unless he really ticks me off today). Instead, I’m going to blog about him and publish my thoughts on this oh-so-private forum. Feel free to applaud me.

4 comments:

Shelly said...

Given how much I've have wanted to do the same to various "moral-poice officers" in my like...I not only giver you applause for holding it in (except to Hal, which is what he's there for) I give you a standing ovation!!!

buttercup said...

I'm so curious to know what behavior this man felt the need to correct. He's probably just worried about your eternal salvation. He probably wrote about it in his journal too.

Barbara Bee said...

Your description of John-boy on the Waldons (did I spell that right)is so ha,ha funny. You are a great observer of people. Always enjoy your take on life:)

Emily said...

Applaud, applaud! Recently I found out one of THOSE kind of people at my place of worship ACTUALLY READS MY BLOG. Yikes! She's of the silent type who never comments. Have you considered that possibility? Goodnight, John Boy.