Friday, August 21, 2009

Never Thought I'd Meet a Girl Like You

South African runner Caster Semenya is undergoing a series of tests to confirm that she is a female. Apparently, the IAAF, which monitors races like the 800-meter that Caster won, had a Lola moment, not unlike my rec center locker room experience, and have decided they need to verify. They have a team of at least 3 specialists looking into the issue.
Uh, 3 specialists? I’m thinkin’ if the IAAF needs that many people to determine gender, then they've never hung out in a High School locker room. Other than the blood tests, DNA tests and simple “pull ‘em down” test, how about a few well-placed questions to ferret out a man-cum-woman?
1. How far can you pee in a single stream?
2. When watching TV, what do you scratch?
3. Beef or chicken?
4. How many pieces of furniture in an bedroom suite?
5. What is a “valance”?
6. Which goes on first: cover up or powder?
7. What kind of car is that? (Trick question. If the runner answers by anything other than color, you know she is actually a he.)

Okay, that’s about sexist, I know. But 3 specialists, all doing different tests? If Caster wants to win enough to change her yoo-yoo to a whoo-whoo, then call her a girl and let her win. Good grief, you’ve already ruined any chance of romance she has, regardless of her birth-gender—give her some sort of premio to compensate.


Barbara Bee said...

Evidently, the are having a hard time categorizing Caster. It's not as easy as it seems. Maybe you should send your list to the authorities. I think it looks pretty good:)

Big Bahama Mama said...

My blog made it seem like it was cut and dry, but Caster seems to have been born (rumor has it) with some hermaphroditic characteristics. I can't imagine how difficult that is to deal with, in the first place, and then to be okayed by your own government (as per the link) but to have the international board question your gender--a gender, I understand, that she's lived her whole life. So the science may not be that easy, but it seems clear that she considers herself a woman. Besides that, what a horrible experience to go through: having the whole world question your sex when you're an 18 year old. That can't be good for her social life, or her morale.

halsadick said...

This blog post got way too serious all of a sudden. Let's go back to the questionnaire.

"8. You've gone to Chili's for dinner. The only two items left on the menu are taco salad and spinach quiche. Which do you order? (Trick question, of course the answer is (for a man) you leave as quickly as possible. You then find the closest McDonalds and order a Big Mac.)