Monday, August 10, 2009

Don't Mess With a Hormonal Pregnant Chick

I’m standing in line at the grocery store. The cashier says, “When are you due?” I respond, “5 weeks.” She says, “Wow. It’s going to be a big baby!”
I’ll give you a moment to digest exactly how rude that statement is.
Okay, moment’s over, now I get to unload.
So, first of all, the part of me that is like my mother wants to respond, “No, you idiot, I’m just fat!” Of course, I don’t do that because I have a 10 year old daughter with me and I’m trying not to make her die of embarrassment. Yet.
Second, it’s probably true. All my babies are big. Is this something that I look forward to? Do I hope that in 5 weeks I’ll be trying to squeeze out a fully grown adult male ready to shave? Do I look forward to the whole “slight pressure” thing, as though giving birth to this 10 pound baby will feel just like stubbing a toe? Thanks for bringing that up, lady. I need chocolate.
Third, I’m glad my stomach was pointed at her and not my butt. All I need is some well-meaning statement about how big that’s getting.
Fourth, just because my belly protrudes does not make it public domain. I wish we’d go back to the whole Victorian-don’t-mention-it thing. And, besides, did I mention how large her stomach was getting? No, I did not. Well, I mean, I just did, but not to her face. Just on this private forum.

4 comments:

BlueSkiesBreaking said...

Your butt is THIS BIG. Oh wait...different blog. She's probably just upset that you're pregnant and have a daughter with you. That means you've gotten laid at least two more times in your life than she has.

Megan said...

LOL! You should have asked her when she was due and if she was having triplets.

Irish Cream said...

Ahhh, people just don't know what to say to a pregnant woman.

I think the best remark to anyone is to find something good to say about them... even if they look GIAN-ORMOUS. I've found even little things like, "Wow, your ankles look great!" or even something as mundane as, "You can't be that far along!"

Of course, even a nondescript, "You look great" is better. Far preferable to the "wow, five weeks. That's coming up fast" (which it isn't, because as every breeding woman knows, the last four weeks are the longest of the entire pregnancy- even more so than the first four when you are paying homage to the porcelain god all the time).

Barbara Bee said...

If you lived in Provo people probably wouldn't even notice you, you think? No wonder you hate shopping:)

I buy most all my groceries at Vitamin Cottage and they mostly know me by name now. It's kind of like a small townish thing because the store is so cozy. They ask when school starts up again and such. I thought I enjoyed being anonymous while shopping, but the I know you thing doesn't get so many awkward comments . . .