Thursday, May 28, 2009

Summer Lovin

Alright, I’m done with Summer vacation. It’s been, what, 31 hours now, and I’m ready to send ‘em back.
Part of it I blame on the woodpeckers. They had the 10 year old up at 5:30 this morning. And because she was mad, she woke me up. Like I’m some magical woodpecker fairy who can make the beasts leave our composite siding alone. I think she really blames me. She thinks that every night, I climb up the extension ladder and spread Woodpecker Love Juice all over the wall outside her room. For what purpose? Because it’s fun spending time with a 10 year old girl who doesn’t get enough sleep. It’s enjoyable to watch her unleash her snottiness all over me before I’ve had my morning cup o’ coffee. Hey, maybe that’s the problem. I don’t actually drink coffee. Maybe if I did, I could handle the drama better. And maybe if the coffee had a little happy something or other in it, I wouldn’t remember the drama anyway.
Then, the 6 year old decides to slap the 3 year old across the face. “I didn’t know her lip would bleed,” is the apology she gave when I threatened, with my best mothering skills, to slap her and let her know what it felt like. How long have you lived with me, 6 year old? How can you so drastically misjudge the reason for my anger? You think it’s because the lip was bleeding? Like it had nothing to do with the fact that you, twice her size and at least 10 times as mean, have just smacked her. And why did you smack her? Because she had your pillow. Yup, that’s a good reason for violence. Almost as good as a mother who offers to “let you know how it felt.” Chalk one up for her future therapy bill.
And the 3 year old spent every waking moment either crying or threatening to cry or just finishing up from crying. By the time I shuttled her off to bed, I had no more comfort left to give. I had Tabasco sauce, which I seriously considered threatening them all with, but I held off. We’ve still got 3 months of Summer left. I don’t want to use my big guns now.

4 comments:

The Stevens said...

I actually laughed out loud hearing the 6 year olds excuse. Don't ask my why I think that is funny. Probably because my 4 year old sounds very similar.....I have a little something or other for you to slip in your coffee. let me know....

buttercup said...

Summer officially starts at noon tomorrow. Mt nephew told me his mom has a chinese sauce that is worse than tabasco sauce you can't get rid of the taste for a whole day and "then you really learn your lesson." (His words) Maybe you could threaten tabasco now and chinese sauce later!

Megan said...

LOL!! Don't you love children! This story brings joy to all that read it. With your misery comes our happiness. Thank You.

Irish Cream said...

Isn't that why they invented summer school, year-round school, summer camps, vacation bible school, and the other myriad varieties of activities to be able to shuffle kids off?

Can you get your 10-year-old to take on a mothering role to the woodpecker? make the annoying bird a pseudo pet? then it might not be quite so annoying.

Maybe the 6-year-old had some justification; not that slapping is great, but if somebody had my pillow and had just snotted all over it because she was crying, had just finished crying or was starting to cry, I might give in to a 6-year-old impulse and slap, too. I know I've given in to my mothering impulse and done the fight (shout) or flight (hide in my room with a book) response to that.

Glad to know I'm not the only one exhausted by the time breakfast is served! :)