Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Iron Chef

Cooking tip 101: when plating a hot item with liquid, do not try to flip it onto the plate. You will splatter hot grease all over your chest and you will scream and you will cry and you will get blisters all over your neck and other sensitive areas and you will not enjoy wearing shirts for a very long time and, even worse, you will look like an idiot. Not that this happened to me on Sunday or anything: I’m just thinking that it might happen to someone and I want to warn you ahead of time.
Do you ever do things like that? Things that, given 3 seconds of thought, you would have figured out were really really stupid ideas? But for some reason the synapses in your brain weren’t firing as fast as they should and you found yourself on the other end of dumb? Confess: what are your Darwin moments?

8 comments:

Alecia said...

First time I ever made bagel bites I put in the microwave for 12 minutes. Now if I had stopped, read the instructions a little better, I would have realized that I was using the oven directions. Need less to say it did not turn out pretty. It involved lots of smoke and a cracked plate. Yes, I cracked the plate in half. Do you remember the first time I made brownies? I used 3 cups oil not 3/4 cup oil. That didn't turn out so well either.

Megan said...

There is a reason I don't cook. That's all I need to say about that.

Shelly said...

I picked up a gallon of milk out of the car using some strange overhanded grip. Once in the house and halfway to the kitchen this became intensely painful. Rather that sit the thing down on the flour to switch my grip I tried to flip the thing up in the air then re-catch it using the proper grip. I guess I thought I was Jackie Chan or something. I can still see in slow motion the gallon of milk flying through the air, my hand grabbing nothing but air, and milk crashing and exploding all over my entry tile, walls, rug,and living room carpet. The worst part, the missionaries and a new family in the neighborhood were coming to dinner in 1 minutes.

Big Bahama Mama said...

Shelly, if anyone could do that move, you could. LOL.

buttercup said...

I seem to enjoy putting plastic items on burners and then turning the burners on! I have ruined most plastic bowls that come into my house as well as any plastic spoon or other such utensil. And once I started a pretty good fire by placing a bag of pasta on the stove and later turning on the burner it was sitting on. People laugh at me like I am joking when I say that my children are skilled in putting out kitchen fires because they've had lots of practice. No. really. I'm serious. They have.

The Stevens said...

well, I was feeling pretty bad about my stupidity last night when an incident occurred including my large jagged steak knife, trying to open plastic cable ties on a package of new flatware, my thumb, lots of blood, a trip to the ER and six stitches. So why didn't I just take the 10 minutes to track down the scizzors? I know better now and maybe my girls won't be so interested in getting in the knife drawer.

Now I feel pretty much at home knowing I'm not the only one. A few of these comments were pretty funny.

BlueSkiesBreaking said...

Do you remember the time I ran into a Mack truck, totalled my car, broke my left collar bone and severely sprained my right foot? And then had to have my sister bathe me because I couldn't stand up or move my arm? Oh wait...how could you forget? Or what about the time I got out of the car just after telling a guy I liked him and promptly slipped on the icy driveway? Did I mention I was holding a strawberry pie? There was also the time I fell out of nowhere at the mall. Just walking along, slipped and somehow managed to hurt my ankle really bad and jam my finger. And those are just the stories I'm choosing to share. I'm pathetic. But pretty. ;o)

Big Bahama Mama said...

BlueSkies, you'd make a good slapstick comedy.