Don’t tell me you’ve never had the urge to do something completely taboo. I don’t mean something like burping after dinner with your in-laws. I mean something like burping in your pastor’s face and saying, “Yum—repeat spaghetti!”
For instance, when I see a butt crack, I have the almost overwhelming desire to drop something into it—a pencil, a quarter, dirt, whatever. I’ve never done it because I don’t want to be a social parasite, but I always feel like I’m on the edge of giving in.
The other day at the gym I walked by a full-bellied, gorilla-hairy man doing bench presses. I know about the hair because his shirt didn’t cover his midriff. In fact, not much would cover it because he had quite a gut. I don’t mean a six pack; I mean more like a keg. While walking by, I suddenly saw myself reaching out to tickle his stomach hair. I threw in a “goo goo goo goo goo” and the picture in my head made me burst out laughing. I probably destroyed his confidence for months; he’ll quit going to the gym and die of heart disease because some random chic at mocked him. Only I wasn’t mocking him. And obviously I didn’t actually tickle him, but I really, really wanted to.
At least once a week I have to stop myself from creating mayhem. I’m guessing other people think the same things. So, what socially unacceptable things would you like to do?