Monday, September 29, 2008

Playing Fashion Police

OHMYGOSH! I am so offended. Did you see what she was wearing? I’m voting for McCain just so I don’t have to watch the Lillian Vernon fashions Michelle Obama pulls out of the back of her closet. When she walked up on stage after the debate, she looked like a page from last year’s Homeless Chic catalogue. Maybe she was celebrating her husband’s background, but seriously? A multi-colored Hawaiian print knee length Chinese style fitted-but-not-very-well dress that ZIPPERS all the way up the back!!! If you have to ask for a little help getting into your clothes, it better be for something small and black. Standing next to Cindy McCain, it’s like Angela Lansbury meets Scarlet Johansson. Cindy looked relaxed and professional in a tailored red suit with wide collars paired along a front placard. A bit of curl in her hair, lipstick that matched… I’m not talking about money; it’s a judgment thing. If you’re going to do casual, at least do elegant. This ain’t no church potluck. Complex patterns, with a complex dress, and a back zipper from butt to neck; I’m just thinking someone got clever with the workshop scraps. What about a simple suit, chunky beads if you’re young enough (and Michelle is), maybe go crazy and do piping in black and black boots—now, that’s young, and cute, but it doesn’t say “Rummage Sale.”
Speaking of sales, occasionally I humble myself by walking through the Nordstrom outlet. Not only do they cut the cost of a cotton shirt to a reasonable $400, but they also sell socks. For $35/pair, I’m wearing them on my ears so everyone can see them. Some of the clothes, I’m wondering who buys them? From what I’ve seen, it’s mostly old ladies with several karats on their fingers and standing weekly appointments at the hairdressers. Do they take home the (not kidding) $1,100 lingerie? For that money, there better be a plastic surgeon included. And have you seen the new line of nylons? Spanx. I’m not buying them on principle. And a few of the outfits, I couldn’t figure out how to even put them on. There were several straps going all over with loops and hooks. I’d need directions. And knowing me, I’d get in a car wreck and they’d have to cut me out of the straight jacket I’d put on thinking I’m all cool and hip.
“Poor woman,” the EMT would say. “Must have escaped from the mental ward.”
Which is where I’d deserve to go if I ever showed up at a public function looking like I’d recycled my prom dress.

7 comments:

buttercup said...

This post needs a visual aid. Y'know for those of us slackers who missed the debate. I could use the excuse that my daughter was in the ER but the truth is that even if she wasn't I probably still wouldn't have seen the debate.sad.

BlueSkiesBreaking said...

I must say, I don't actually think the dress is as bad as you make it out to be. Yes, bad fabric choice, but I don't think the fit was bad. Plus it plays well to us younger folk. At least she's trying something new. And I must say, Cindy's bright red suit is so overdone and cliche, as is the matching lipstick.

buttercup said...

Thanks for the pictures. The dress was hideous and it made her posterior look large. Blueskiesbreaking is calling us OLD! Did you read that?

Migaloo said...

Okay, so I'm going to be so much less tactful than dear buttercup.

He hieny looks HUGE!! While that does appeal to a certain demographic, the dress is a bad batch of LSD as a whole; not even Molly Ringwald would have touched that thing in her younger days. (Maybe you ARE old.)

Disastrous fashion risks are supposed to be reserved for the Oscars/Emmy's/whatever, not political debates.

By the way, the letters I have to type in to be allowed the privilege of posting are "fsunum." Thought you should know.

Big Bahama Mama said...

I just ignore Blueskies when she pulls the age card. I know I can take her in a fight. Besides, Buttercup, hate to break it to you, but we are old. Cute, but old.
Hey, Migaloo, sure would enjoy a follow-up post--what did your child do with the sanitary napkin? I used to pretend they were mattresses for my barbies. And are you home from Germany?

Tara said...

I'm ignoring Blueskies too. And I thought she appreciated my taste in clothes.... I am all about CLASSIC styles, colors, cuts, fabrics, etc. Clothing that lasts and can be worn year after year (until it wears out or I gain too much weight). Cindy's suit is nice and classic. Simple, yet not too cliched for a simple red suit. And you have to give her credit for actually wearing her hair down. She normally does the tight bun thing. I hate the fabric of Michelle's dress. Her husband is running for president for crying out loud. She should be dressed in classic clothes and not bring negative attention to herself. She shouldn't be trying for the worst dressed at the Oscars. I would think she could afford to buy a dress with an INVISIBLE zipper. It's not like the Obamas are poor.

D said...

So where can one see Michelle's "infamous" dress? I tried a couple normal ways, clicking on the link, google... no luck.

Okay, you guys, enough with this "old" talk. You know nothing about "old" and neither do I really, other than a little brain-freeze every now and then. You're all as beautiful/handsome as ever, even better. Sorry to sound like a mom, but I'm having a great time at 65.