Sunday, August 10, 2008

Nacho Rider

We’re ordering room service at the hotel because that’s our favorite thing about staying in a hotel. Not that the food is good, because it never is, but there’s something Oscar-Wilde-decadent about ringing the butler to bring a PB&J. My daughters and I had decided on nachos, but first I needed to know if one order would fill our bellies or if we’d need to toss in some onion rings.
So I call the 20-something kid in the kitchen.
“How big are your nachos?” I ask.
And I wait patiently while he laughs.
“Well, my nachos…” he laughs some more. And I think I ought to be given an honorary sainthood for my forbearance. Oh, lots of things sprang to mind, things I would not have hesitated to say 20 years ago. Now, however, I applaud myself for keeping my mouth shut while he gets over his big bad self.
I look at my husband and wonder that such a terrific person comes from the same hormone pool as boys who fling jock straps at each other. I’m amazed that the same chemical makeup that produced Jim Carey has produced my spouse. And I wonder, too, what secret manly traits lurk in his depths. Someday, they may come out. He may start laughing at statements like, “Do you know where the hose is?”
Oops, too late. He read this over my shoulder and laughed. “Always count on the consistency of 12 year old men,” he said. And then he turned on the TV and made the “turning on the TV” noise that men everywhere hear as a mating call.
Sainthood, here I come.

9 comments:

buttercup said...

Yeah, I'm glad my husband doesn't act like most guys too. Actually I was just telling a group of girls how he tried to convince me to buy $300 shoes for our wedding. Shoes that would be worn only once mind you and they all responded--this was YOUR HUSBAND?!! a MAN told you to buy shoes?!!! I know. I LOVE it.

Tara said...

Yeah, my husband didn't show his true boy colors until a few months after we got married. Being a crazy pregnant woman, I am also the Abominable Gas Monster. Last night, I had an 'episode' that rather sounded like a machine gun. I had my hands covering my face in embarrassment whilst my husband was rolling on the floor laughing. And he won't stop talking and laughing about it. It's like this is his favorite thing I have ever done!

Big Bahama Mama said...

I have a friend whose brother farts under the covers and then holds his wife's head under there. And the species continues to propagate.

Arlynda said...

Ha! That is pretty funny. My DH rarely exhibits behaviour that would lead me to believe that he has too much testosterone in his body. He's got enough, don't worry. We do almost have four kids. Occasionally, he'll throw me a curve ball though. That is usually when I walk out of the room and roll my eyes. I don't have time for too much testosterone, my life is crazy enough as it is.

BlueSkiesBreaking said...

Sounds like most of my customers...

Big Bahama Mama said...

Blue Skies, you set yourself up for it. You do, after all, work in the hose industry. I bet the guys int he warehouse have lots of funny things to say about hose size.

halsadick said...

ME LIKE FART JOKES. ME LIKE HOSE JOKES. ME GO SCRATCH NOW.

Megan said...

lol, I guess I don't have as much self control as you do, because I would have said what came to mind after that statement. Maybe it's also because I don't think before I talk.

BlueSkiesBreaking said...

And my parents' set me up for it by giving me such a seductive name. The combination of my industry and my name is not good.