You’re so jealous of me. I just had the chance to call all of the parents of all of the kids in our church building to tell them that one of the kids has lice. This wasn’t my idea, just so you know. I would have preferred to discreetly call the two or three parents of the kids who sat close to this child during the meeting, but, heck, I'm directed by a higher power who felt that every parent has the right to know. I’m thinkin’ ignorance is bliss, and why make waves, but whatever. Here are some of the responses so that you can be prepared for this if it ever happens to you:
Most common response: “Thanks for letting me know. We’ll monitor our kid. Have fun with the rest of your calls.” I love this response. The phone call ended in 30 seconds, I felt warm and secure knowing that they wouldn’t make a big deal about it and that the lice infested child would not become an object of ridicule.
Most challenging phone call: “My child was sitting next to little girl X and little boy Y. Is he more at risk? Should I be more concerned?” My response: “Um, still not gonna tell you who has lice, so if you’re concerned, figure out what to do about it.”
Most annoying response: “I just told my teenage daughter and she said…” My response: “You told your teenage daughter? The one with the big fat mouth who is sure to blab it all over the entire world? You just told her? What, are you stupid?” Okay, I didn’t say that, but I thought it really loudly. The mother actually said, “Oh, I would never tell my younger child.” Oh, well in that case, go ahead and tell your chatty teenager because she certainly can be trusted to keep it to herself. ARGH!!!
As a precaution, I’m going to shave my kids’ heads. I mean, not to make a big deal about it or anything…